Monday, September 8, 2008

VMAs 2008: Britney raped, Chris Brown robbed

First let me get this out of the way: Britney was not raped, SHE raped. She raped the VMAs. Or perhaps I should say the VMA voting academy raped us, the viewers. And definitely Chris Brown. Okay well that was my little Jordin Sparks quickie outburst..lets go over the whole thing.
The show kicked off with a Britney-opener for the second year in a row..but she wasn’t performing, she was acting in a little skit with Jonah Hill. Now we know girl can’t act but I’ll admit it was slightly cute. It wasn’t that long of a skit before it went to the real opening performance, Rihanna. I say real meaning that a skit is not a real way to open the VMAs, not in the sense that her performance was a REAL good performance. Cuz it wasn’t. Be honest. I’d say average. Now I like the song and LOVE the whole music video vibe. Kinda creepy, dark..maybe Rihanna’s “Thriller”, if you will. And I’d be lying if I said I’m not influenced by her style. Not uber feminine..slightly masculine and rock and gritty and otherwise hella sick. But the performance was just okay for me dawg.
The host this year was Russel Brand, some British comedian that virtually no one in America was familiar with, but he did a good job with it. The comedy was scandalous, a bit obscene and hilarious. I loved his bit on that Levi guy that’s knocked up Bristol Palin. And he ragged a bit on the Jonas Brothers about their purity rings. It was funny..and all in good fun! ( more on that subject later..)
Now, it was around Brand’s opening bit that viewers were able to see better shots of the audience and venue. It was in Hollywood this year, at Paramount studios..and, well, that’s no Radio City Music Hall. Judging by the size of the audience, it looked like this shit was filmed at Nickelodeon studios. Like maybe 5000 people. This is not right! Think about some of the memorable VMA performances..The Real Slim Shady performance by Eminem..all those slim shady look-a-likes storming in filling the place. That could NEVER have happened at this venue. My gay university’s gym can hold more people. And! Did you see the audience?? Ah, I am getting ahead of myself; Perhaps the demographics of the audience hadn’t been made obvious by this early point but I’ll get there.
First Award: Best Female Video. And you know! I said Britney had NO business being nominated for this category. Or any that she was nominated in..but she won. I was certain Mariah would get it. Not that I like Mariah. This is so weird. Cuz I love Britney and despise Mariah but Mariah deserved it and Britney didn’t. I am happy for her, cuz she looked DAMN good and her speech was concise and sweet. Score points for Britney, but I don’t believe the award or nominations were warranted.
Cut to the Jo Bros performance..the venue couldn’t even accommodate them so they’re out on the street corner singing on the some steps. Of course its just SO cheesy and underbudget that you know they’re gonna break out and get loud at some point..and they did. Went to some outdoor stage and then this SWARM of teen/tween girls comes running out towards them. Performance: eh
Best Male Video: Chris Brown- With You. I think if it was for Forever, it woulda been deserved. But it wasn’t and With You wasn’t as good as Forever and therefore lil wayne deserved this one for Lollipop cuz that video is sick.
Theres a mini Katy Perry performance in the equivalent of a 12 x 12 pen with one side open in the actual studio. I guess that’s all they can fit.
Michael Phelps comes out to introduce Wayne’s performance. I was almost blown away that they didn’t save him till the very end of the show cuz common, he’s this year’s biggest star. And they got him as the first big performance! Common, draw it out a little, milk it, tease us a little. I think that was a stupid decision on the producers’ part. Okay so performance! It opened with Leona Lewis and then Wayne came out, he did “dontgetit” (last track off the Carter III), a milli and got money with t pain. And he pulled out his sexy ass dance moves. Ahh. Me and Rachel got up off the couch and practically had our heads pressed up against the TV screen. Great performance! But get this. Wayne got off the stage and into the audienceat one point..and people are sittin down. If he woulda came into the audience at SummerJam, he woulda been mauled and molested! Fools! This is a concert! This is the VMAs! This is the #1 artist right now; he sold over a million records his first week of release. STAND UP! God damn! The audience was so unreceptive. You know why?? Because is was all the middle aged producers who don’t know( or give a) shit about MTV or this music. Look back at any VMA performance and what’s happening at the base on the stages?? Young, excited, crazy fans screaming and waving their hands and singing along! At the bottom of the stage this year: Middle aged, no named producers. Sitting down. And it wasn’t just for Wayne, it was all performances. No enthusiasm. No youth. No respect. The only excitement I saw was when the camera cut to Kobe and he was getting down. God bless you Kobe.
Best Dancing in a Video: Pussycat Dolls for “When I grow up”. Whores. They’re worthless. The dancing in Forever is sick. Chris Brown is making a real name for himself and is probably one of the top 3 dance icons of this decade. He’s changing the way we see dance! And the PCD? That’s dancing? In that video? I say no. In no way are they comparable to Chris Brown in terms of dance credibility or talent.. or anything! Chris Brown was ROBBED. PS go on YouYube and search for when Lindsay Lohan and Ciara presented this award (Best dancing) They’re standing in the stands and you get a great view of those foagies in the audience. Wtf mate, who ARE these middle-agers?? It’s a bunch of old people! Go search it right now, it’s unreal.
So next Demi Moore comes out on this years’ VMAs most exciting theatric effect: the turning staircase. Seriously. That was the biggest thing they had. She gets to the bottom and she doesn’t have a mic. You know she was pushed out there like “Go!” by one of the handlers or producers. Of course she’s nervous and is just gonna do what they say, so she goes! Fools! Get it together and make sure you’re ready for what you’re supposed to be doing before you send poor Demi out there to be left high and dry without a mic for 2.6 seconds. ( She was handed one).
Camera goes to yet another better accommodating location to shoot Paramore’s performance of Misery Business. They did great. I understand that song to be very challenging vocally, and would expect it to be a little sub-par live, cuz it’s a hard song! But girl brought it! She sounded AWESOME live. Just superb. Dare I say, better then the radio cut. And that NEVER happens.
Best Rock Video: Lincoln Park for “Shadow of the Day” Give me a break. That shit’s played on Warm 106.9! That’s an easy listening station for all you out-of-towners. Not that I give a rats ass about the best rock video, but that’s blasphemy. Foo Fighters shoulda won for Pretender.
Pink performed—you guessed it!—outside! No room for her in that damn studio! Her dress was matronly but her hair was BOMB. Cut and color. Ice Blond, practically white but not quite..and I must say the cut…. reminded me of…my cut! I could probably rock that do today if I put some major pomade and hairspray in there. I give her the award for flyest hair at the VMAs cuz that shit was fierce.
During the next commercial break there was a trivia question that was pitifully wrong! It said Katy Perry Just performed Like a Virgin, but other then that, how many years has it been since we’ve heard that song live on a VMA stage? They said the answer was 14 years but that’s false! Anyone remember the Britney/Madonna kiss of VMAs 03??? Helllooooooo what song were they singing?? LIKE A VIRGIN. Dumbass producers don’t know SHIT
The promo ads boasted of a performance by the Ting Tings..and once back form the commercial, we got that performace. Broadcasted from the 12x12 pen, viewers got a 20 second snippet of shut up and let me go. THAT was the performance. And for the artists performing from the pen, they weren’t even performing to an audience. There were foagies behind them but the artists just face a camera. No screaming fans to cheer you on—nothing.!
Next was the Best Hip Hop video. Presented by, who else? Slipknot. What the fuck. That makes about as much sense as having Wayne present the best country album. Producers! Get a clue from the clue bag!! A note to those Slipknot fools: It’s not Halloween! Were you neglected as children that you now feel the need to draw negative attention to yourselves by wearing freaky and morbid costumes and masks?? See a therapist. Anyhoo. The winner is… Weezy f!
(aka lil wayne if you’re a producer)
Jordin Sparks and John Legend get up there and Jordin feels compelled to speak up on behalf of the Jonas Brothers and purity ring supporters far and wide. I didn’t mention it but between acts and awards, Russel Brand and really been giving the Jo Bros a hard time about those rings.. he just won’t let it go. And it’s hilarious. So Jordin diverts from the telepromper for a nanosecond and is like, I just wanna say there’s nothing wrong with purity rings because not everyone wants to be a slut. Okay! Well. Though I saw nothing wrong with the comedy bits about it, props to Jordin for being able to stand up and say something that might not be the most popular thing to say at MTV. Second least popular thing only behind support for John McCain.
T.I. performs. It was pretty good. Exit T.I. Enter Rihanna, looking sick as hell yet again. Enter T.I.P. and they sing their new song together. Rihanna getting her swagger on, major! Love it though.
Christina debuts her new image with a performance. She’s reinvented herself yet again, as she always does for each album. So it’s out with the baby-jane, pinup girl of the 40s, in with…catwoman? I don’t know. She was wearing a mask when she opened the performance with a remix of genie in a bottle. Then she broke out into her newest single. Most notable moment: “Sometimes I’m a superBITCH” and she grabs he crotch Jacko-style. LOVE.
Best New Artist: Tokio Hotel. Who? Miley shoulda won. She dominates.
Best Pop Video: Britney. Ahh mixed feelings yet again! I was rooting for the Jo Bros. But they left the VMAs empty handed L
Kid Rock performs. “All Summer Long”. Wayne joins him, looking sexy as hell in his vest and red pants and shoes and cute little hat!! He was fashion. At the end he bowed to Kid. That was cool, that’s he’s able to humble himself and show his respects. Cuz you know the audience ain’t showin no love.
And finally-the most coveted moonman of the night, Video of the Year. This is like, the quintessential video representing ‘08. Like 20 years from now you’ll look back and think of the anthem and most famous and sick video of 2008..this one should immediately come to mind. I had my money on Chris Brown cuz Forever gets hella play and the video is AWESOME. Visually just awesome and great dancing of course as I mentioned before. And Kobe Bryant presents the award to…..Britney Spears.
I was beyond flabbergasted. K, talk to the youth of America about what song/video was indispensible to 2008 and 75% of them could not tell you the name of that song. Let alone tell you what the video is like. VIDEO OF THE YEAR?? That video was shot at the height of her madness. She still wasn’t well and wasn’t all there and for sure wasn’t giving it her all. It was laughed at! There was shit going around the internet showing how they had to digitally downsize her torso to make her look skinnier. It was a joke. Not as bad as the Gimme More video but it was not video of the year caliper by any means. SO as she’s getting up there, the shot cuts to Chris Brown, who perhaps people around him are saying shit to him cuz he’s just burying his head in his hands! Not like Kanye-pompous-style, but smiling kinda like, no way man WHAt just happened! YOU JUST GOT RAPED that’s what happened. Or robbed for the sensitive. Robbed on two fronts: Best Dance and Video of the Year. It’s despicable and I have a conspiracy theory. More on that later..
So who closes the show? None other that poor dark skinned Kanye who vowed never to return to MTV after being shut out of all categories he was nominated in last year, because of his skin color, of course. Also he bitched about only performing in one of the Palms suites last year and not the mainstage. God Almighty! A Palms suite sounds luxe compared to this years’ show! Imagine if they put Kanye in the 12x12 pen ! Then he’d have something to shout about. She he closed the show with a good performance.
Conspiracy theory and closing notes: Who decides the winners of the VMAs anyway?? Is what I was asking myself at the end of the show, bewildered beyond belief as Britney just swept the VMAs taking all three categories she was nominated in. I tried to look online but to no avail..but then I saw a blurb from Perez Hilton. He said something about a VMA voting academy, which he is a part of! And he voted for Britney!
SO apparently there’s a panel of people, I have no idea how many or how qualified, who sit and cast their votes for the winner. Now I’d think these people would be impartial enough to look at the facts, or at least the video ALONE to correctly decide who is most deserving. I think this blog would prove me as a good candidate for this job because I am being objective as hell. I’m looking at FACTS and not letting my own personal OPINIONS interfere. Get it? Look back, I love Rihanna’s style and the disturbia video and image but I was able to recognize when her performance was lackluster. And Britney! She’s gotta be one of my favorite artists/icons of all time and I Love her to death but that is no matter. Look at the facts, that video was NOT the best, most loved video of 2008.
The people on the panel need to be objective but they weren’t. Perez said he voted for Brit and “mission accomplished”. The mission?? Boosting up Britney for a real comeback. This isn’t a charity case!! Don’t vote for who you feel sorry for! Don’t vote for her because you’re rooting for her to regain her throne! You’re supposed to vote for the best and they didn’t. Corruption. Plain and simple.
VMAs 2007 rocked it. VMAs 2008 was a joke. I was dazed and confused throughout the whole show from the size of the venue to the audience to the sheer unprofessionalism of the producers to the winners! It was all unreal! Is this the VMAs?? MTV you dropped the ball this year! GO back to Vegas or Radio City Music Hall. And let us never speak of this again.

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