Monday, December 15, 2008

What the hell is happening

If you know anything about me you know I'm very bah humbug when it comes to chirstmas. even thanksgiving. I've been a cold hearted scrooge since 7th grade. Thats when my mom actually asked me if I wanted to do a chrsitmas tree, but told me i'd have to help take it down. I was like "hell no why would I want to do more work??" It's all cheery and merry when you're putting the damn thing up but its a bitch to clean up post-holiday. That's when i turned away. Not only from the trees but from the whole holiday season. I realized it's a bunch of stress! It's a bunch of hustle and bustle and traffic and shopping hysteria and its all about getting what gifts you want and putting lights up and santa claus. It's bullshit. so i pretty much shunned all christmas decorations, carollers, "family togetherness"and christmas joy from that time on.
But this year it's different.
I'm finding myself being drawn back into the christmas spirit.

I really think it has something to do with a new relationship i'm in. I haven't had a boyfriend in like 5 years, so i've grown very independent and maybe hard hearted in the time since then.
But I've just been so happy lately! I'm feelin the love!
It's been a long time since i've cared for someone like this.. its bringing me back to what Xmas is about. well, i suppose its about jesus. but maybe about caring for people too? Perhaps I am getting this confused with valentines day... haha but you know what i mean.
I've been getting pulled in by all the chrsitmassy stuff.. I've been stopping to admire lights and decorations in downtown. I've looked out my window in awe at the snow. I've experienced being warm and cozy with that someone on a chilly night. There's just something magical about this time of year and im finally seeing it again after seven years.
I'm feeling like this blog has gone quite mushy and i do not like that..I'm tempted to throw in a few more expletives to maybe balance it out. But just know im really warming up to this whole holiday spirit thing. I'm not completely gung ho, like, i still think carolling is hella gay and i'll turn them away if they try to sing to me..
Who knows maybe i'll be back to my old ways next year. Maybe i'll snap out of this and be back to normal before chrsitmas even gets here. But for now i've decided i'm not going to fight it.

No comments: