Wednesday, February 10, 2010
John Mayer is the white Kanye
I just couldn't help myself after hearing these quotes!
listen to this!!
“I am the new generation of masturbator. I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week.”
“I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don’t jerk off because I’m horny. I’m sort of half-chick. It’s like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon.”
* “Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!”
John on Jessica being his drug: "And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just fucking snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.'"
John on Jennifer Aniston dumping his ass because he is a Tweet-ker: "There was a rumor that I'd been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, 'These are the new rules.'"
John on how many girls he's screwed since Aniston: "I'm going to say four or five. No more. But even if I said 12, that's a reasonable number. So is 15. Here's the thing: I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don't like jumping through hoops."
John on how he's upping his famewhore game in 2010: "From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the shit out of me. I've been trying to prove to people I'm not a douche bag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That's fucked up, man. I'm not dating. I'm not even fucking. So now I'm going to experiment with 'fuck you.' In 2010 my goal is to get more mentions in Us Weekly than ever."
When asked if black women try to get with him, John answered: "I don't think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a fuckin' David Duke cock. I'm going to start dating separately from my dick."
Playboy wanted to dig further by asking his ass which black women he thinks are hot: "I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She's superhot, and she's also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she'd be like, 'Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.' And you'd be like, 'What? We weren't talking about that.'"
Whoaaa what! Damn. This guy is all over the place!! Speaking with such authority and metter-of-fact-ness about this off the wall shit. With many of these quotes I had to stop and be like, "Wait, what did he just say??"
After reading it all, it just re affirmed what I already knew. I love it. I can't get enough. I've had this feeling about another celebrity's bizarre uncensored rants too.. but who...
He just speaks his mind, no matter hiw ridiculous or pompous he sounds!
And in both cases, despite contantly sounding like asses..it doesn't hurt them because their respective talents are so undeniable.
Conclusion: once you reach a certain status and you have the goodS to back it up, you can say whatever the hell you want.